Changes

It's two days before my brother's wedding, and as I sit in my room, in the house we grew up in together... where we both lived for over 22 years of our lives... I can't help but to feel a mix of emotions.  I can't put into words how it feels to be a little sister to a big brother.  I can't say how it feels to be a sister to a sister, or a sister to more than one sibling, or a sister to a little brother...unfortunately circumstances kept my brother and I from growing up with our sister, so all I've ever known is being a little sister, to a big brother who I adore.  All I know is the two of us, and to know that it'll never just be the two of us again is a difficult thing to make peace with.  My feelings have nothing to do with his wife-to-be, because of course it would've been difficult for me regardless who he married.  Change is the only constant in life, but it isn't always easy to accept.  There's so many memories I can list right now...from how we would fist fight as kids, to how we would play on our swings together, and later ride bikes together, and later still, skate together, which turned into playing street hockey.  From wanting to always hang with him and his friends, to how amazed and proud I always was to watch him play baseball, to how I could always count on him to be at my softball games cheering me on.  From him seeing me off to my high school dances, to helping him deal with a broken heart.  From high school graduations, to college graduations.  From always getting last minute calls asking me to look up or order something online that should've been purchased way before, to getting our parents gifts together, and always having to be the one that wrapped everything.  My memories are endless.  After 27 years of being half of our team of 4, it's difficult to let a piece of our relationship go, and make room for a new one...not a worse one, just a different one.

The only thing that has helped me make peace with this change is his happiness.  As long as he's happy, I will, as always, have his back.


Two days from now I won't be losing family...I'll be gaining it.