How well is too well...

Taking a break from my normal updating, I felt the urge to write about something that I've thought of many times before, but that has come to my attention even more since being out here (maybe it's the ocean, or the clouds, or just the beauty that surrounds you here that makes you think more clearly, and more intently).  How well does a person have to know you, for them to know you too well?  Or is there even such a thing as someone knowing you too well?

I'm not a person that many people know...or at least not really know.  I am acquainted with a lot of people, sure.  Some may even think they know me far better than they actually do.  But in reality, those people don't know much more than what's on the surface.  And let's be honest, most people wear several different masks, and show you only what they want you to see.  Knowing someone on the surface isn't knowing them at all.  I freely admit I'm someone who wears a few different masks.  I think it's pretty necessary.  At work I am the professional, business me.  With good friends I am a more vulnerable, true me.  With family I'm still the vulnerable me, and sometimes still the child me...still a very true me...it's just that sometimes I hear myself revert back to the young me when I'm talking to family...maybe that's a normal thing.  But mostly, I'm a guarded me.  Mostly people see only a glimpse of me.  I'm not vulnerable, emotional, or open with most people.  I try to appear tough most often than not, because that's how I've learned to function.

But there are a few people...very few...who know me more than most.  But I think it could be a double edge sword to have someone know you so well.  I mean, partly, it's a beautiful thing, to be able to communicate without words, sometimes without even looking at each other...to know what to say before you're even asked a question...to know how someone would feel about something, or someone, without them even being around.  But on the reverse side of that, sometimes we know people so well, that we see what we expect to see, even when the reality is much different.  Sometimes you know someone so well that you don't even think it's a possibility that they may have changed in some way...or that they're trying to change.  I guess it's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy...you know them, you know what to expect, and so that's what you see...regardless what they show you.

I don't know what constitutes knowing someone "too well", but I do appreciate anyone thinking enough of me to know me at all.

Back to the island I go

After I got back on island after my work training, I still had a few weeks of on the job training.  From pretty much the beginning though, I was smacked hard in the face with the reality of my job.  Training never legitimately prepares you for the real realities of your job does it?  I mean I get it...it's training, they can only do so much.  But to say I've been overwhelmed is an understatement.  Feeling completely lost is not a feeling I often experience...nor is it one I particularly enjoy.  It's been sometime since I've had to be the new person...the person who knows nothing.  As if learning the job isn't enough, I'm also trying to learn my way around the island.  I pretty much never drove before I got the job...I walked or took the bus everywhere, so now that I have to drive, I never know where I'm going.  One plus though...my old job, I drove 70 miles one way to my office...and here, I drive 7.  Talk about a difference!  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.  I'm blessed to have a job.  I'm bless to be here, and to have come with nothing, and to already have so much.  It's just frustrating feeling like you're unsure of yourself...like it's going to take so long to feel confident.

At least Jas and I, and are new found buddies/my two co-workers/our sort of part time roomies, find time to paint the town.  It's nice to let some of the frustrations go.  And wherever Jas and I go, we make a party, so it's always a good time.  I'm trying to keep this balance of work and play.  Too often I dive so far into work that I end up drowning myself in it....but not here.  That's definitely not an option here.

And the adventure continues...

Stay tuned...

I'm back

I am finally getting a chance to write again, after an unanticipated hiatus.  Work training went ok...but the highlight of my three weeks off island was being able to go home.  It was only for about 36 hours...but such an appreciated 36 hours.  Aside from seeing a good deal of my family, including my parents and brother of course, I got to see baby girl, aka my niece who I posted about before...and her parents of course.  It's amazing what just a weekend home can do to your spirits.  Being home has a way of rejuvenating you.

I adore this baby girl

laughing for titi

Going home gave me a feeling I never felt before.  The only time I've lived outside of our house was for college...so leaving was a completely odd, and new feeling.  It's only right that going back for the first time would also give me feelings I've been unfamiliar with thus far.  Walking into the house felt familiar, but strange, because for the first time, even though I'm coming home, I don't technically live there.  Little things had changed, and I wasn't around to see it happen.  Walking into my room, I felt a mix of emotions swell up inside me, and I had no idea which to deal with first.  My bed, my pictures, my books...27 years worth of me.  I feel like I've changed so much...being in that room was like the new me meeting the old.  One thing I can definitely say is that I remembered how much I missed my bed.  My beautiful bedroom set I bought only a few years ago.  But as much as I miss my house sometimes, and my things...they're just that...things.  Home is not the house, although there is a lifetime of memories folded into every nook and cranny of it.  For a girl who always sought to spread her wings, home is my parents, my family...they are my roots, forever keeping me grounded wherever I am, and wherever I end up in the vast world.

36 hours could never be enough...and yet it was everything I needed.

And the adventure continues...

Stay tuned...